Words of Wisdom from JB

Ok, so this is an idea that has been swimming around in my head. You all know that I am a rather enthusiastic parrot head(Fins up) and the reason for this is less about the lifestyle that it portrays but more about the music. Once you get past the silliness of 'Cheeseburger in Paradise' and the fruitiness of 'Fruitcakes', there is some real songwriting brilliance...one could say, if you allow me, words to live by. Well Jake and Zac, here are a few that you have likely heard me singing along to numerous occasions!!

'tryin to tell myself that my condition is improvin- if I dont die by thursday I'll be roarin Friday night'- Keep a positive attitude!

'yesterday's over my shoulder, so I can't look back for too long...so much to see waiting in front of me and I know that I just cant go wrong' - As much as the past was great, your focus needs to be on the future

'If we could not laugh, we would all go insane'- Dont take yourself too seriously

'Why dont we get drun....' - well, maybe something you need to discover for yourself...

'I made enough money to buy Miami, and I pissed it away so fast' - Invest your money wisely

'I feel like I've drowned, but I wont wear a frown' - Get up, dust yourself off and move forward!

'So be careful when you go to swing your partner, someone may just take a swing at you' - Dont dance with someone else's date!

'I've got a school boy heart' - Be sure to always nurture that kid inside of you

'Time to sing, time to dance- livin out my second chance' - When life gives you a second chance, take full advantage of it

'We never took more than we could eat, there was plenty left on the rack. We swore if we ever got rich, we would pay the mini-mart back' - Strike a balance between giving and getting

'I dont know where I'm a goin go when the volcano blows' - Sometimes it is good to be elsewhere when someone gets bad news

'Cause I'm livin off things that excite me, be that lobsters, pastries or love'- Enjoy the good things

'Its time to see the world, time to kiss a girl, time to cross that wild meridian. Grab your bag and take a chance, time to learn a Cajun dance, kid your going to see the mornin sun' - Take life on as a big adventure and experience it

And my favorite....

'Jimmy, some of it's magic, some of it's tragic- but I had a good life all the way'

How I met your mother...

So you know boys, I am borrowing the title of this post from a current favorite sit-com of mine, but I wanted you both to have an accurate account of how your mom and dad met. Please note that I wrote the word accurate, which means that this is the true story, no matter who (mom) tells you otherwise...

During your life, you will find some times where things are going great, the world is your oyster and everything going your way- enjoy them! Other times, no matter what you try to do, things feel tough and you cant seem to get anything going your way and some big changes to your life are heading your way..not fun. Well, around the time that I first met your mother, I was in the middle of a difficult phase of my life....(setting the stage...)

At this time, your mother and I were working at Peoples Bank and never met. I remember the day- I was scheduled to go to a training class to maintain my insurance license which I didnt need to attend because my job no longer required me to have that license, but I wanted to keep that up. Your mother was schedule for the same class and when she entered the class, she caught my eye right away as she sit across the room from me. Now, I know it may be hard to believe, but your ole man can be shy and I thought for sure, that your mom was either married or dating- no one who was so beautiful could be single. But I noticed that a few times when I tried to sneak a glance at her, that she was looking at me!! I even looked behind me to see if maybe I was sitting under the clock, but no- no clock!! Class ended and we went our separate ways...

The next day, I received a voice mail from a friend/co-worker that basically said "I heard that you were in a training class yesterday and made quite an impression on my cousin". Turns out that she asking about me, knowing that I worked with her cousin in the same department. Honestly, I didnt believe it and thought about what I should do. I did nothing. I wasnt in a position to. So I waited until maybe I would hear something back from her. That didnt happen and months went by. Sometimes, I would ask her cousin about her to see if she was dating or how she was doing, but I did nothing to reach out to her, up until a few months later when I felt that I was in a better place to take that step......

"So I hear you were talking about me, I hope that you were kind"...that was the email that I sent to reach out to her for the first time. I know...how passive is that, but hey, thats what I did. Well, that started our conversation that led to our first date...dinner at Acapulcos in Stratford CT. Honestly, I was more excited than nervous. We met, had dinner and then went for drinks at Southport Brewery in Milford. No goodnight kiss(I dont think I tried)... A week later, I brought her to a NY Mets game where we had tickets in the Mastercard Suite(your dad is a class act). This stands out as it was the first time that I tried to kiss her goodbye, but got shot down. Your mom is a class act!!

We casually dated for a few (she'd say weeks, I say months) before we got serious and got married on a beach in the Dominican Republic a few years later. Been an awesome ride since then...lots of ups, a few downs and I know that through it all, she is the one I want to take this long ride with.

Boys, here is the story of the beginning of our life together. A nice story. But I think that the one thing important to take away from this- when life has you down, know that it is not forever. Things change, sometimes beyond your control and for reasons that are not clear to you at the time, but if you maintain a positive outlook and make good decisions, you will come out of it and might come out of it in a much better place.

Parent's Best Compliment

Being a father has been both very rewarding and extremely challenging, thus providing itself with the all important balance that we need in life. I must say personally, I am happy that I waited until later in life to have kids as I feel I am better equipped to give them all of me. I cant say that I was prepared to do that when I was in my 20's and for those who know me, you would likely agree.

Today is March 7th and I sit home from work with a nasty cold(no voice) and pink eye, all gifts given to me (and Pao) by our two boys. But they give me other gifts too, both in the things that they say(Jake) and do(Zac). I want to use this post as a way to memorize some of my favorites.

Zac loves sports. He loves to play with his basketball and football and he especially loves it when that includes me. A few weeks back, we went out to a field and spent a few hours throwing and kicking. Once we were done, we began to walk home and he grabbed my hand really tight as if to say, "I have a blast" and I remember the hug I got from him when we went home. It wasn't like his usual hugs..but every so often he really holds on to want to extend the embrace. Boy, it touched me. The last time I felt that from him was when he came back from Colombia when I didn't see them for 2 months- Zac wouldn't let go of me for 15 minutes!

Zac is just beginning to talk and we can have simple conversations. One thing he does do a lot of is sing. When he does that, it really makes me feel good as I remember a few years back, I read that when I child sings, it says that they are both happy and secure and that they know that they are loved.

Jake, in contrast to Zac, talks and boy, does he ever! Both Spanish and English thanks to my wife. As I listen to the things he says, it is amazing how much he picks up. Here are a few of my favorite Jakisms...

One day, sitting with both Jake and Zac on the couch
Jake: Daddy, I love it when you hold me
Me: Jake, I did too.
Jake: When I am big and you are small like me, I am going to hold you just like this
Me: I can't wait

My favorite, thus far, happened a few weekends ago and literally came out of nowhere. We were engaged in our usual nightly routine and I was sitting on the floor, helping him put his PJ's on when he said something that nearly brought me to tears.

He looked at me and told me "Daddy, I love my life"

Wow. I still think about what that meant and the feeling I had when I heard it. That very simple statement says so much and I am still digesting it. I find myself watching him and trying to reason to myself, was it just a feeling he had at that moment, but since then, I have come to realize that he is absolutely content in his own world. That world built on a solid foundation of love, some discipline and lots of family fun time. And I think it was touched me so, because as a parent, you don't know if you are 'doing it right'. Parenting does not come with a 'how to' guide. The only thing you have to go by are your experiences, your principals and your beliefs.

Years from now, Jake will not remember he said that to me. I tell you one thing for sure.. Jake, I will never forget it.

Who am I today?

Throughout our lives, we are given certain labels…mine would look like(only the nice ones, that is..)

Lani and Brian’s son

Kristina’s brother

‘that nice boy at Roland’s’

Paola’s husband

Jake and Zac’s dad

But the thing about these labels is that they are only just that until you take the step to embrace them. Then they become your identity, or a major thing that you associate your life and mission with. Nothing spoke to me about that more clearly when I became a dad. Put your seatbelt on, because your whole life changes. Never was I so worried about another being, nor did I give global warming or pollution much thought. I changed and began to think about those things through the eyes of my children, what kind of world are we leaving them? Right or wrong, that was my tipping point. From here, I moved to thoughts of ‘what does a good father do’ and about the type of father I wanted to become. I thought of my guiding principles, those that were passed down to me by my father, crafted by experience and how I would want to pass them on. One thing I knew that I was to care less about what my son’s would say about me in their adolescent and teenage years- I am certainly never going to be their friend or win any popularity contests with them during that phase, but more about how they would talk about me to their kids, how they were well brought up and learned valuable lessons from me. I knew it would be then that they would truly understand the what’s and whys of fatherhood, much like the revelation that I experienced. Most importantly, they needed to feel safe and that no matter who they were, wanted to be and turned out to be, that my love was unconditional and accepting and always theirs. That was a good place to start..

My relationship with Pao changed, and by change, I really mean that it grew stronger. We are really a team and we are in ‘it’ in a big way. In the beginning, our equilibrium was off and we worked to strike a new balance. It was hard and fun needing a lot of communication(Mars-Venus type stuff), but once that was worked out…boy what a fun ride it has and continues to be. I know my role as father and her role as mother and we work that very well. I love that she is the one who gets the raise our 2 boys with me. There is somethings that I did learn from her, often through some bit of pain...they include;


- No matter what you did at work, it was nothing compared to watching two toddlers and I mean nothing

- Be ready to ‘take over’ when you get home, they are yours and I have had an ass full of them!

- The kids are excited to see you come home, but mom is the main source of comforting, dont mess with that.

- MOM NEEDS TO GET OUT OF HERE AND FAST, kindly step out of the way...


My boys are 4 and 2 as of this posting. They require and deserve a bunch of my attention for which I happily give 95% of the time. They, along with Pao make up of most of the joy I have in my life. That said, I do have outside interests that I tend to like training for a marathon or whatever physical challenge I take on and keeping my golf game respectable. Those are important too, but they are not a priority. They simply fill in part of who I am today and provide me an opportunity with teaching moments to share along the way. That is who I am today and I love that!

Well Jake and Zac...that is it for today. I love you guys!